Traditional Wedding in Nigeria
http://komar.cs.stthomas.edu/qm425/99f/Okali3.htm
I will begin by giving a brief description on the country, Nigeria. Nigeria is a West African country made up of three major ethnic groups namely: Ibo, Yoruba and Hausa.
The Ibo people live in the southeastern states. The Yoruba people live mostly in the southwestern states and the Hausas live mostly in the northern states.
Nigeria like most African cultures has various kinds of traditions. Amongst all the traditions, the one I find to relate to the western culture is marriage.
Most current-day weddings in Nigeria follow more western processes, in terms of the weddings being held at church, the bride being in a white gown, the groom being in a suit, some entourage, and a reception following during which the couple usually are in traditional attire and eat traditional food, and play a combination of American music and traditional music.
Some wedding ceremonies are also held in a courtroom rather than a church. I will tell you what a traditional wedding process would involve in Nigeria. I will also go further to mention a few marriage and family trends involved in a Nigerian traditional wedding.
Traditionally, for a couple to be married there are three stages that they would go through:
Introduction
Dowry Payment
Engagement
The 'INTRODUCTION'
This is the part of the ceremony where the groom's family introduces themselves to the bride's family, and asks for their daughter's hand in marriage to their son. It would take place before the engagement ceremony or wedding.
Even though they are not married yet, I will refer to the bride-to-be as the bride, and refer to the groom-to-be as the groom. The participants of this are:
The groom and his family
Olopa Iduro (this translates to 'standing policeman'): an appointed speaker by the groom's family; could be a family member, or hired for the occasion.
The bride and her family
Olopa Ijoko (this translates to 'sitting policeman'): an appointed speaker by the bride's family; could be a family member, or hired for the occasion.
Others if the families so choose.
The introduction takes place at the bride's house, and her family is responsible for the preparations and costs, but if the groom's family is able to, they can suggest helping out with some of the costs and/or the food. Both parties are in traditional attire, and I have not heard anywhere that these have to be matching.
Though "African time" (the concept where nobody is expected to actually arrive at an event at the posted time) is common in Nigeria as well, the groom's family is expected to be on time for this event. If they are late, the bride's family may ask them to leave, or to pay a price for being late. Upon entrance into the bride's home, the groom's family kneels (the women do that) or prostrate (the men do that) for the bride's parents. The groom's family and the bride's family sit on opposite sides of the room, with the bride and groom sitting closer to the center, and the standing and sitting policemen sitting in the very middle.
The ‘standing policeman’ introduces the groom and his family to the bride and her family. He then brings a proposal letter from the groom's family, usually tied with a pink ribbon, and gives it to the groom's family, through the ‘sitting policeman’. The letter is read out, and responded to verbally on the spot. Since this is mostly a formality, and it is already known that the couple will marry, there usually is not much rejection at this point. Usually, a prayer is said at this point, and some symbolic items of food are tasted by the ‘policemen’ and then passed around to the guests. These include:
obi (kola nut) is shared, during which the following words are repeated:
they will ripen
they will eat and not go hungry
they will grow old
ata ire: this consists of many seeds, and it is opened up, and the superstition is that the number of seeds that fall out is the number of children the couple will bear.
honey, sugar cane: these all symbolize that the union will be sweet
Some additional words may be exchanged, then gifts are exchanged, and then the families and guests eats and there may be singers and drummers for some celebration later.
Dowry Payment
The next ceremony is the taking of the dowry by members of the man's family. The bride price or dowry may be defined as money or goods given to the bride or her family by the groom or his family before or upon marriage.
In the past, it was customary for the groom's family to provide the bride's family with a dowry that would go to the bride's parents to compensate for some of the costs of raising her.
Nowadays, if a dowry is offered, it usually goes directly to the bride
As in many other African societies, it serves such functions as that of symbolizing the socio- economic statuses of the families to be united forever, that of establishing tie between the two families; and that of compensating the family of the bride for the loss of the services of their daughter. In most cases the amount to be paid depending upon on the quality of the bride: whether she came from an influential family or a poor one; whether she was a school, a high school, or a high university graduate or whether she was totally illiterate. As a result, women university graduates are finding it increasingly difficult to find men who are able to release such exorbitant prices.
The Engagement
Traditionally, a couple is married after the engagement ceremony. The engagement ceremony also takes place at the bride's house, and her family is once again responsible for that. Both parties are dressed in aso oke, (uniform) which is more fancy and more expensive Nigerian attire.
The symbolic food may be passed around again. The couple usually gives each other a Bible or Quran, give each other rings, and they may say some words to each other.
The bride usually has her face covered during the ceremony. When the ceremony is over, and everyone goes 'outside' to eat, she usually waits indoors until she is called out for. Then she comes out (usually with a friend, still with her face covered), and kneels before her parents so that they may pray for her. Then she kneels before the groom's parents so that they may pray for her. Then she sits by the groom, and this is when she is unveiled, as she sits to eat with everybody.
After the couple is married, they go to the groom's house (his house, not necessarily his family's house). The custom is that the bride should arrive at his home before he does, and that she must wash her legs before entering, and be there to meet him when he arrives. (Somewhere in here, the bride changes her surname to that of her husband's.)
If the couple can afford it, they do take a honeymoon, and hopefully they live happily ever after.
Customs that used to take place in some of the Nigerian cultures are:
The bride-to-be was kept in a 'fattening room' for a period of time, where she was well fed, and taught how to be a good wife. She would usually come out of the room fatter than before.
The bride-to-be was 'cleansed' by taking a special bath before going to her husband.
Right after the 'wedding ceremony', the bride has her feet washed so that she is going to her husband clean.
Rather than bringing out the real bride at the engagement party, another woman may come out disguised as the bride to see if the groom is able to tell the difference.
MARRIAGE TIDBITS
The following are facts/trends in the marriage structure. Just to answer some questions I've received.
Though traditionally, both parties were supposed to be virgins on the wedding night (unless it is not the groom's first marriage of course), it is common nowadays for the bride to be pregnant before the wedding, because the couple wants to ensure that they can have children (this is not allowed in Christian religion though, where abstinence before marriage is still preached).
Polygamy is legal for the male in Nigeria
...but not in the Christian religion.
In traditional beliefs, a man is allowed to have unlimited number of wives.
In the Muslim religion, it is legal for a man to have up to 4 wives at any one time.
The first wife is supposed to have the greatest status, but the most recent wife is usually considered the 'favorite'.
Though it is legal, polygamy is becoming less common because of the economics of the country.
In polygamous households, the man is supposed to be financially responsible for the family.
In most households, most religions, the man is the head of the household.
Arranged marriages used to be more common in terms of an arbitrator looking for a spouse for a young man or woman.
In some cultures, arranged marriages in terms of children being promised in marriage at young ages were also more common.
FAMILY TIDBITS
The following are just facts/trends in the family structure.
Family is extremely important to most Nigerians.
The nuclear family in a Nigerian home consists of the father, his wife (or wives in polygamous homes), and their children. The extended family consists of all the relatives.
Nigerians believe in having plenty of children, and usually really close together in age. This is decreasing though because of the economics.
Most extended Nigerian families are called "uncle, aunt, cousin, mother, father, grandmother" (depending on age, and gender of course). Some of these terms are very loosely used. Your mom's brother, her cousin, her second cousin, their cousin, would all be called your 'uncle'.
In most families, there is a strong family bond, and the phrase "blood is thicker than water" has a deep meaning.
Though this is also changing, most men are raised with the expectation that someday they will have a wife (or wives) to take care of them, and most women are raised with the expectation that someday they will have a husband and children to take care of. So, the standards for raising them can differ in some households.
In most neighborhoods, the neighbors take a part in taking care of a child. A lot of people feel like they were 'raised by the neighborhood'.
After the three stages of the traditional wedding are performed, and the elders of the community have lectured the newly wedded couples the marriage and family trends, the couples are accepted into the community and it is an option for the couples to have a Church wedding. As far as the community is concerned both couples have been declared to be ‘man and wife’.
With this brief explanation, I hope I have been able to give you a clear understanding of what a traditional wedding process entails in Nigeria.